The Grief of Letting Go of Dieting
If you’ve ever felt sadness, loss, or even longing when you’ve tried to leave dieting behind — I want you to know: you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not doing it wrong.
Letting go of dieting can bring up some big emotions. For many women, especially in midlife, dieting has been part of life for decades. It’s been a way to feel in control, to connect with other women, to have something to “work on.” When you stop dieting, you’re not just changing how you eat — you’re saying goodbye to a belief system, a coping mechanism, and sometimes, a version of yourself
Why It Feels Like Grief
Grief isn’t only about losing people — it’s about losing meaning. Dieting often gave life structure and direction. It carried the fantasy that being thinner would make us happier, more confident, or more respected. Letting go of dieting means letting go of that dream — even if it never really delivered what it promised.
Psychologists have long described grief as a process we move through, not a single feeling (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005). When we apply that framework here, the stages make a lot of sense:
Denial: “Maybe I can eat intuitively and lose weight.”
Anger: “Why did I spend so many years on diets that made me miserable?”
Bargaining: “I’ll just be ‘healthy’ — but still try to lose a few kilos.”
Sadness: “If I’m not dieting, who even am I?”
Acceptance: “This isn’t always easy, but I know dieting isn’t the answer.”
Meaning-making: “Maybe I can use what I’ve learned to help others or raise my kids differently.”
You might move back and forth between these stages — that’s completely normal. Each one is part of the process of healing your relationship with food and your body.
What You Are Really Losing
The grief isn’t just about giving up food rules. It’s about what dieting represented.
Dieting may have offered a sense of control when life felt chaotic. It may have given you a sense of belonging — those conversations with friends, family or co-workers about what diet you were “trying next.”
It also offered hope: that one day, if you just tried hard enough, you’d finally feel comfortable in your skin. And because we live in a world that rewards smaller bodies (Puhl & Heuer, 2010), it’s understandable that the fantasy felt real. Letting go of that can feel like giving up on a dream, even though that dream kept moving the goalposts.
When Identity Feels Shaky
Many women I work with tell me that as they learn to trust the process and stop dieting, they can feel lost, unsure …. adrift. Without the constant goal of weight loss, they’re left wondering, “If I’m not trying to fix my body, if i’m not focused on controlling my food…. who am I?”
Psychologists call this identity reconstruction — the process of rebuilding a sense of self after a major change (Neimeyer, 2001). It can feel uncomfortable, but it’s also an invitation to rediscover who you are beyond your body size.
Without dieting taking up so much mental space, you create room for other parts of life — connection, creativity, joy, rest. Life gets bigger when you stop trying to make your body smaller.
How to Work Through the Grief
It’s important that you recognise that your feelings of grief are valid and deserve compassion, not judgement. Experiencing a sense of grief or having pangs of wanting what dieting offered you as part of this journey is not a step backwards — it’s a sign of healing.
Here are a few ways to support yourself as you move through it:
Name what you’ve lost. Write down what dieting gave you — control, structure, belonging — and what it took away — peace, joy, flexibility. Seeing both helps you make sense of the ambivalence.
Allow mixed feelings. Missing aspects of dieting doesn’t mean you want to go back. It just means it mattered to you. Both things can be true.
Reconnect with your values. Ask yourself: What really matters to me now? Maybe it’s energy to play with your kids, confidence to travel, or calm around food. Shifting your focus from control to values is a key part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (Slepian et al., 2021), which has been shown to improve body image and eating flexibility.
Find safe support. Talk about it with trusted friends, in a non-diet community, or with a professional who understands this process. Being witnessed in your grief helps transform it into growth.
What’s Waiting on the Other Side
When you make space for the grief rather than trying to push it away, something beautiful starts to unfold. You begin to find peace — with food, with your body, and with yourself.
Research consistently shows that intuitive eating is linked to higher body appreciation, better psychological wellbeing, and less disordered eating (Tylka & Kroon Van Diest, 2013; Linardon et al., 2021). But beyond the data, my clients often describe something deeper: being more present. More spontaneous. More connected.
They’re no longer sitting on the sidelines of their lives waiting for a smaller body to give them permission to live. They’re already doing it — right now.
So if you’re grieving the loss of dieting, please be gentle with yourself. You’re not going backwards — you’re letting go of what no longer serves you. And while it might hurt, it’s also the clearest sign that you’re healing.
Because the truth is this:
You’re not giving up. You’re going through a radical process of relearning how to listen to your body, trust it and live a life that’s finally your own.
Ready to find your version of food freedom?
If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to move through this process with guidance and support, I’d love to help you. Together, we work through the grief, rebuild trust with your body, and rediscover what nourishment and self-kindness truly feel like.
✨ Book a free 15-minute Discovery Call with me today to start to learn how to reconnect with your body, engage in regular nourishment and ultimately live a life uncontrolled by food.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Food freedom is possible — and it’s waiting for you
References:
Bacon, L., & Aphramor, L. (2011). Weight science: Evaluating the evidence for a paradigm shift. Nutrition Journal, 10(1), 9. https://doi.org/10.1186/1475-2891-10-9
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.
Linardon, J., Tylka, T. L., & Fuller-Tyszkiewicz, M. (2021). Intuitive eating and its psychological correlates: A meta-analysis. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 54(6), 1073–1098. https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.23496
Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning reconstruction & the experience of loss. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/10403-000
Puhl, R. M., & Heuer, C. A. (2010). Obesity stigma: Important considerations for public health. American Journal of Public Health, 100(6), 1019–1028. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2009.159491
Slepian, M. J., et al. (2021). Acceptance and commitment therapy for body image and eating concerns: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Body Image, 37, 130–145. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2021.02.002
Tribole, E., & Resch, E. (2020). Intuitive eating: A revolutionary anti-diet approach (4th ed.). St. Martin’s Essentials.
Tylka, T. L., & Kroon Van Diest, A. M. (2013). The Intuitive Eating Scale–2: Item refinement and psychometric evaluation with college women and men. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 60(1), 137–153. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0030893
Please note: This blog is intended for educational purposes and should not replace personalised medical advice. Consult a qualified healthcare provider for individual concerns.
